Could A Shorter Commute Save Your Relationship?
How long is your commute to work? If it's longer than 45 minutes, according to this study you're 40% more likely to get divorced.
But, there's some good news. If you've already been commuting for over 45 minutes for five years or more, you're only 1% more likely to get divorced than short commuters (probably because by then you've weathered the long-commute storm), and if you were a lengthy commuter before you began the relationship you're also a lot less likely to get divorced (probably because you knew what you were getting into.)
Why the steep rise in divorce rates due to a long commute? I'm sure there are a number of reasons, but here are a few theories:
One partner may have to take a job closer to home, especially if the couple has kids. Say the man takes a job with a long commute: Limiting his partner's job prospects to a smaller geographic area may mean she has a less satisfying career and is forced to assume an even bigger role in raising the kids and taking care of the home. (Hardly a recipe for personal fulfillment.)
Time is the glue that holds relationships together. Long commutes take away time -- from significant others and from kids — that is lost forever.
The money is rarely worth it. Say you get a 20% bump in salary... but you have to drive an extra hour. According to another study, economists determined you need a 40% increase in pay to make an additional hour of commuting time pay off.
Long commutes are stressful, especially when heavy traffic and frequent delays are involved. It's hard for anyone to walk in the door happy when they've done everything but play bumper cars on the freeway for an hour. (For 3 years a friend commuted 2 hours each way, but the actual drive was a breeze -- he actually felt recharged and centered after all the quiet time.) But even so...
The guilt could eventually get to you. When your partner and your kids so obviously miss you, it's easy to feel like your decision that the trade-off between time and money was selfish or in some way self-serving. So you start to act differently -- either defensively or indulgently (or both). You make decisions you might not have made. You say things you might not have said.
Maybe you don't have a choice. Maybe a long commute is your only option. In that case, it's best to make the most of it and do what you can to make the rest of the time at home count.
But increasingly, at many companies, you have a choice. One of the things we're working on at my company HubSpot is creating a culture that provides the flexibility to as many people as possible to work from home at least some of the time. We've found that even a day or two at home can do wonders both for quality of life and for productivity. With high-speed Internet (which most of us have at home) and contemporary collaboration tools, most people can get work done just fine even when they're not at the office.
So, if you do have a choice, think hard about the trade-off between time and money (or job title or prestige or whatever the lure is.)
If nothing else, think of it this way: You might regret the opportunity that slipped away... but you will always regret the time with your loved ones that slipped away.
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Dharmesh Shah is founder/CTO at HubSpot and blogs at OnStartups.com.
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