Our son-in-law, Erik,
husband to my speaking colleague, Kristin,
must have one of the highest IQ's of any person I know. One day, he
challenged me with a question.
While chatting about
music, a subject he enjoys immensely as a singer/musician at heart, a
well-known group came up and I said, “Yeah, I have one of their songs
on my iPod, but I don’t like it.”
After a brief pause, he
asked this:
“How
can you have something on your iPod that you don’t like?”
Hmm … good question.
That’s like asking
someone, “How can you keep doing something that you know you shouldn't
do?”
Well, the answer to both
questions could be this simple:
It just creeps in.
Now, to be clear, I am
110% personally accountable for any creeping that has
occurred. I mean, no song has ever jumped into my iPod that I didn't
put there. Similarly …
No negative behavior, bad habit, or lousy personality
trait exists in me that I don’t allow to be present.
Just as holiday stress is a choice, the things I say and do are choices. This
means I can un-choose
them. The free will I have over my iPod music inventory is no different
than the "personal purging power" I possess in my daily
living. Said another way ...
I.
Can. Change.
As 2013 winds down and
the “New Year, New Me” bandwagons fill up, let’s explore one tactic we
can use to increase the odds that some serious purging
takes place.
That
tactic is this: Securing an “accountability buddy.”
No buddy is accountable
for me changing me.
If my
personal change journey starts and ends with the first step, it’s MY
fault—not my buddy’s.
End of story. Now, if you embrace that point, you can safely move on in
this blog to acquire some …
Practical
ideas for choosing/utilizing an accountability buddy:
1. Start the process with these
introspective questions:
- “When am I least pleased with myself?”
- “What self-defeating habit of mine needs to
go?”
- “Specifically what do I do that wears thin on others?”
2. Ask yourself, “Who do I know that
cares about me, is in a position to observe me, knows me pretty darn
well, and I trust to be honest with me?”
3. Once identified, invite them in,
giving them complete freedom to speak candidly with no
fear of defensiveness or retribution from you.
4. Ask them questions like these:
- “What's one thing I do
that doesn't reflect well on me?”
- “If you were me, what would you seek to
change?”
- “How can I be a better ____________?” (Fill in
the blank with “spouse,” “friend,” “sibling,” “son,” “daughter,”
“manager,” “employee,” or “parent”)
5. Share with your buddy your answers
to question #1. This is a give-and-take relationship. Your
buddy doesn't have all the answers—and neither do you.
6. Connect regularly. Whether it’s
once each week or once each month, it doesn't matter. The key
is consistency over a period of time that allows true change to
occur.
I just couldn't
resist adding #7 since, well, without a "no excuses" mindset,
we'll get exactly ... nowhere!
Questions
to make us think!
What
behavior or habit do you want to “purge” from your life? Who will be
your buddy? What questions will you ask him/her? What excuses will you
be tempted to make if the desired results don’t come? When will you
begin applying the content of this blog??? :-)
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