Are You a Name Dropper? Take the Test.
| 12 | Jun |
| 2012 |
Today's post is dedicated to one of the most common social mistakes made by
otherwise savvy relationship people: Name dropping.
First, let’s define it. Namedropping: the low art of tossing a famous or influential name into a conversation to inflate your own worth – especially when you don’t really have much of a relationship with the person in the first place.
Let’s separate that from social arbitrage, which is tossing out a name of someone in your network (maybe influential, maybe not, depending on who you’re tight with) for the purpose of suggesting an introduction that will be generous for everyone involved.
I was thinking about the danger of name dropping this week after giving some advice on the subject to a friend, a guy who does amazing work that he can be truly proud of. And yet he still sometimes name drops, making social promises he can’t keep. I told him to watch out before it hurts his credibility. Stretch goals are great – we all need aspirational contacts – but they shouldn’t become stretch promises.
I gave my friend that advice because I care about his success, but also because I deeply empathize. I learned the hard way on this one. Heck I’m still learning! I’ve had the names I’ve dropped fall so hard they broke my feet.
Name dropping is a reflexive habit created by insecurity. Definitely in my case. I’ve had to work hard to breathe deep and trust in myself and the value of what I have to offer. But guess what? I still have times that I get insecure – much less often now, but they happen.
And of course, it can be a fine line. We’re social animals, and who we know does shape who we are. Sharing names and news from your network can be like sharing parts of yourself.
So, we need a test.
If and when you find yourself bringing up famous names in conversation, you might ask yourself these questions, especially in situations where you might be feeling a little insecure:
First, let’s define it. Namedropping: the low art of tossing a famous or influential name into a conversation to inflate your own worth – especially when you don’t really have much of a relationship with the person in the first place.
Let’s separate that from social arbitrage, which is tossing out a name of someone in your network (maybe influential, maybe not, depending on who you’re tight with) for the purpose of suggesting an introduction that will be generous for everyone involved.
I was thinking about the danger of name dropping this week after giving some advice on the subject to a friend, a guy who does amazing work that he can be truly proud of. And yet he still sometimes name drops, making social promises he can’t keep. I told him to watch out before it hurts his credibility. Stretch goals are great – we all need aspirational contacts – but they shouldn’t become stretch promises.
I gave my friend that advice because I care about his success, but also because I deeply empathize. I learned the hard way on this one. Heck I’m still learning! I’ve had the names I’ve dropped fall so hard they broke my feet.
Name dropping is a reflexive habit created by insecurity. Definitely in my case. I’ve had to work hard to breathe deep and trust in myself and the value of what I have to offer. But guess what? I still have times that I get insecure – much less often now, but they happen.
And of course, it can be a fine line. We’re social animals, and who we know does shape who we are. Sharing names and news from your network can be like sharing parts of yourself.
So, we need a test.
If and when you find yourself bringing up famous names in conversation, you might ask yourself these questions, especially in situations where you might be feeling a little insecure:
- Is this person you’re mentioning truly relevant to the conversation at hand?
- Is generosity what’s motivating the mention?
- If you’re suggesting an introduction, is your social capital and the potential mutual benefit strong enough that it will be well received?
And that brings up another question: How do you get
secure enough with yourself so that you don’t fall into the habit? That’s a
question for you and inner circle to grapple with, but I can point you
toward my 5-minute routine for calming approach anxiety before big
meetings and events.
Do I have my definition and test for name dropping right? What would
you add?
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