6 gut checks

Need to Know AUGUST 30, 2013 To all Gmail users: To ensure that you continue to see your MarketWatch emails, please drag and drop one of our emails into your Primary tab and click "Yes" when asked if you would like to do this for future messages from MarketWatch. You can also add "MarketWatch" to your Gmail contacts list or filters. 6 gut checks before the stock market's opening bell By Shawn Langlois   Good morning. This year has seen an inordinate scarcity of big moves in the stock market, and CNBC is paying the price. Sound effects, glad-handing the hedgies and battling it out, Family Feud-style, with a gang of talking heads is a whole let less interesting when markets are in snooze mode. Hence, CNBC's ratings haven't been this low in 20 years (more on this below). Fingers crossed in Englewood Cliffs that missile strikes liven things up a bit. If Assad's lippy 11-year-old son has any say  in the matter, that'll start happening sooner rather than later. Then, as we head into the notoriously stingy fall months, the market climate could start to "get crashy"  in a hurry. (Though, not everyone is worried.). Turns out "Crashy" is Albert Edwards's middle name. Actually, it's probably something like Fran, or Joe. Scott? Not sure. Whatever it is, SocGen's resident Chicken Little is back at the crystal ball with his attention-hunting prediction for an insane market implosion. CNBC should most definitely get in touch with this guy! Oh... For now, no big blow ups heading into the holiday weekend, markets or otherwise. Key market gauges: Asian stocks finished the day mostly lower, with both the Nikkei  and the Shanghai Compositie were unable to get anything going. Europe is looking weak, while futures on the Dow  and the S&P are largely flat, indicating investors aren't willing to take any chances on the Friday ahead of a long holiday weekend. Oil futures  are giving back a chunk of their Syrian-intervention premium as a strike doesn't seem as imminent after the Brits decided to sit this one out . And gold  is also getting hit hard. The economy: The first glimpse at consumer habits in the third quarter showed consumers were, uh, barely spending. Spending edged up a whopping 0.1%, falling short of consensus. Personal income also rose by the same amount. Little change is expected in a consumer sentiment survey that hits at 9:55 a.m. The initial August reading dropped from 85.1 in July -- the highest level in six years -- led by gloomier views on the state of the broader economy. Read: Spotlight on the economy . The buzz: Salesforce.com  shares are blowing up in a good way this morning after the company late Thursday breezed past Wall Street estimates and threw out some strong numbers looking ahead. Splunk  also jumped on its report , adding to its already hefty gains so far this year. Apache shares  is getting a premarket bump after striking a deal to sell a 33% stake in its Egyptian unit to China's Sinopec  for a mere $3.1 billion. Following its disappointing report, Krispy Kreme Donuts  shares are letting off some steam after having tripled in the past 12 months. Google Amanda Rosenberg and her love connection with googlinaire Sergey Brin is still a hot topic on Google's  business page. Apparently, she went to the same school as Princess Kate . Landing Rich Guys 101? The chart of the day:This illustration probably doesn't show you anything you don't know already, but it's still worth a look. The dark line is the volatility in the markets, the two lighter lines show the number of CNBC viewers. "You know all those countdowns, the dramatic intros, the ever-repeating footage of riots and the dramatic music?" wrote Sverre Rorvik Nilsen, from the Finansakrobat blog . "I present to you the strong correlation between volatility in the markets and CNBC viewership." Finansakrobat The call of the day: The canary in the coalmine just let out his last, fateful tweet, according to SocGen's Edwards.  "The emerging markets 'story' has once again been exposed as a pyramid of piffle," he warned. So what does that cute alliterative flourish at the end there mean for the big picture? "At the risk of being called a crackpot again, I repeat my forecasts of 450 for the S&P, sub-1% US 10y yields and gold above $10,000," Edwards. As permabears go, few do it better. Random reads:Chelsea, and their new signings, avoid the The Champions League "Group of Death."  The story's not really about Chelsea, but it definitely should be. Twerk -- 4.6 million vs. Syria -- 2.3 million. Twitter has made its choice . Speaking of the twerk heard around the world, Miley's circus show claims another victim : The guy who invented the foam finger is devastated. Relax. You're not stupid, silly. You're just poor . Blobfish got my vote, and it's winning by a landslide . 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