Stop, Observe and Listen: Introverts Have Skills (Part 2)

06	Jun
	2013

Future of Learning

In my last post, I looked into the key assessment you need to make: finding out if you’re an introvert or an extrovert. As we saw, introverts have distinct skills to learn and grow in their careers, including the ability to build long-term relationships, which is critical to navigating through the stages of the “continuous learning circle” that guide your professional learning and advancement.

But how do they use this specialized skill set to move their careers forward? They connect with others by listening, observing and forming empathetic relationships. And they rely on two foundational strategies: preparation and scheduling.
The Art of Listening
People on the introverted end of the personality spectrum have a different set of talents than their extroverted friends: Namely, introverts tend to be better at listening. This essential interpersonal skill is the most basic way of being generous in a relationship. If you are an introvert, you may have realized this about yourself, or it may be an untapped skill. Either way, notice your interactions with others and build in plenty of time to listen.

Anna Runyan, a self-aware introvert who runs the career blog Classy Career Girl learned the value of being a great listener: “I’ve developed close relationships because of listening. … I don’t talk unless I know that it’s an important thing to say, and that’s helped because I don’t say anything I don’t mean,” she said. Introverts tend to be good at thinking before they speak, and it’s uncommon for them to get in trouble for insensitive gaffes.

The Power of Observing
Introverts are also very powerful observers, of themselves and others. This aids them in understanding the nature of human interactions and enables them to be more conscious of what they’re doing. Santiago, the self-identified introvert from my last post, said that as he was training himself to be less shy, he watched people and their behaviors – especially those who were influential to others: “I would just listen and observe their body language and the way they approached people, and that helped me learn techniques I would adapt to my own style.” Santiago’s observational acumen helped him create a tight-knit learning community during a tough time in his life.
Since extroverts are not usually so intentional about designing the way they interact with people, introverts have a “leg up” here: the unique power to curate a relationship, steer the conversation and respond to another person’s personality.
But introverts need to do this – and strategize about it – differently than extroverts to get the most out of those strengths.
Strategy #1: Preparation
Many of the successful introverts I’ve known share an important trait: they prepare. While extroverts are more likely to do things “on the fly” – give presentations, introduce themselves – introverts don’t like to be put on the spot; they do their best thinking on their own. And that’s not a bad thing: Intense thinking requires the time and space to pore through ideas. Do you think Einstein was in the middle of a presentation when he proposed the special theory of relativity?
If you tend more toward the introverted side, do your homework. Before going into a meeting with potential mentors and peers, set an agenda and get to know it. Identify what information you’ll need and know the background of the people in the meeting (and, if possible, their personalities). This is where your skills of observation come in. You can also write yourself scripts for these meetings: What is the speaker going to say? What does everyone in the room have in common? What ideas can you contribute that are uniquely your own?
This skill is more immediately obvious in meetings, but you can do it in social interactions as well. An introverted friend named Adhyn, who is now a project manager for a financial firm in Jakarta, once had to go to conferences and collect business cards to drum up new business. “I actually came to the point where I needed to write myself a specific script for each type of person I would meet. Over time, it became like second nature,” he said.
Don’t be afraid to extend this into all corners of your life. You can prepare for, say, a happy hour. You won’t pull out your notes at the bar, but you’ll feel more confident knowing why you’re there, who you want to meet and what you want to say.
Strategy #2: Scheduling
A parallel skill that’s equally useful in the introvert’s toolbox is scheduling. Since we know social gatherings can be exhausting for introverts, they can prioritize and schedule them in advance. If possible, introverts should avoid back-to-back meetings in the middle of the day to get the much-needed time to collect themselves. Blogger Anna told me, “I know that it’s important to connect with your co-workers because it makes your work better and develops trust. So I do those things, but I plan it out on my calendar. I’m not good at doing last-minute stuff.”
Group meetings can also be difficult environments for introverts. Preparing against the agenda is one strategy. Another is identifying one or two allies in the room, when possible. If you’re anxious about addressing the room, talk to them. Don’t be afraid to speak up — there are no wrong answers, and no one will think less of you for taking the risk.
Everyone – introverts and extroverts alike – builds their wellbeing, their career and their success out of relationships. Although introverts pursue new connections in different ways, their relationships are just as important to their achievement as those of extroverts. While it may not always be comfortable, there are people out there that you should know that you don’t. That’s what’s holding you back and preventing you from reaching your full potential. So, introverts, break out of your shell and start connecting!