Guest Blog: Three Smart Tips to Defuse a Conflict Before it Explodes
| 26 | Jul |
| 2011 |
This guest blog comes from business
strategist and keynote speaker Lisa Earle McLeod. Her latest book, The Triangle of
Truth: The Surprisingly
Simple Secret To Resolving Conflicts Large &
Small, was named a Washington Post Top Five Book
For Leaders. Visit Lisa at www.TriangleofTruth.com.-KF
Lisa's Three Tips: Nobody likes conflict. The problem is,
avoiding conflict doesn’t reduce tension, instead it often escalates it. Have
you ever been around someone who was frustrated or angry, but doesn’t want to
talk about it? They ooze resentment. Avoiding conflict actually ruins our
professional relationships. Issues become bigger. Trust evaporates. The
postmortem on any business failure almost always reveals critical information
went unaddressed because somebody was afraid to discuss it. Here are 3 tips for
resolving conflicts without coming to blows: 1. Beware of false
assumptions. Just because someone says they want a particular thing
doesn’t mean that you truly understand their goals. My client Judi Bruce at
Deloitte describes it this way: “It’s like the classic orange story.” Two
people are fighting over an orange. They both want the whole thing. But when
asked why they want the whole orange one replies, “I need all the juice to make
my cake.” The other replies, “I need all the zest from the peel to make my
frosting. What seems to be a conflict; might not be a conflict at all. Neutral
questions like, “Tell me a bit more about how you envision this” often reveal an
easy win/win. 2. Don't mistake enthusiasm for rigidity. Just
because someone is excited about their plan, doesn't mean they're not open to
other options. Confronting a dominant personality doesn’t have to be combative.
Simply ask: Are you open for feedback on this? If they say yes, start off
saying, “I tend to think of these things from a different perspective.” It
keeps the conversation neutral. You’re not attacking their point of view; you’re
just sharing yours. High-energy people move quickly and enthusiastically. They
might wind up embracing your plan with the same zeal they do their own.
3. Be open to alternative outcomes. The biggest reason people
avoid conflict is because they don’t see a clear way to bring up an issue and
resolve it peacefully. They assume it’s going to be an argument, and they'll
lose. But disagreements don’t mean death; they’re just disagreements. When you
work and live with other humans, there's always going to be conflict. It
doesn’t have to be contentious or ugly. Stay confident that you'll ultimately
find a solution and you'll keep yourself more open. It’s ironic, when you accept
conflict as an inevitable part of relationships; you wind up with less of it and
find it quicker to resolve. Handling a conflict isn’t the worst thing in the
world. But letting one go unresolved can cause you big problems. What
strategies have you used to defuse a heated situation?
Simple Secret To Resolving Conflicts Large &
Small, was named a Washington Post Top Five Book
For Leaders. Visit Lisa at www.TriangleofTruth.com.-KF
Lisa's Three Tips: Nobody likes conflict. The problem is,
avoiding conflict doesn’t reduce tension, instead it often escalates it. Have
you ever been around someone who was frustrated or angry, but doesn’t want to
talk about it? They ooze resentment. Avoiding conflict actually ruins our
professional relationships. Issues become bigger. Trust evaporates. The
postmortem on any business failure almost always reveals critical information
went unaddressed because somebody was afraid to discuss it. Here are 3 tips for
resolving conflicts without coming to blows: 1. Beware of false
assumptions. Just because someone says they want a particular thing
doesn’t mean that you truly understand their goals. My client Judi Bruce at
Deloitte describes it this way: “It’s like the classic orange story.” Two
people are fighting over an orange. They both want the whole thing. But when
asked why they want the whole orange one replies, “I need all the juice to make
my cake.” The other replies, “I need all the zest from the peel to make my
frosting. What seems to be a conflict; might not be a conflict at all. Neutral
questions like, “Tell me a bit more about how you envision this” often reveal an
easy win/win. 2. Don't mistake enthusiasm for rigidity. Just
because someone is excited about their plan, doesn't mean they're not open to
other options. Confronting a dominant personality doesn’t have to be combative.
Simply ask: Are you open for feedback on this? If they say yes, start off
saying, “I tend to think of these things from a different perspective.” It
keeps the conversation neutral. You’re not attacking their point of view; you’re
just sharing yours. High-energy people move quickly and enthusiastically. They
might wind up embracing your plan with the same zeal they do their own.
3. Be open to alternative outcomes. The biggest reason people
avoid conflict is because they don’t see a clear way to bring up an issue and
resolve it peacefully. They assume it’s going to be an argument, and they'll
lose. But disagreements don’t mean death; they’re just disagreements. When you
work and live with other humans, there's always going to be conflict. It
doesn’t have to be contentious or ugly. Stay confident that you'll ultimately
find a solution and you'll keep yourself more open. It’s ironic, when you accept
conflict as an inevitable part of relationships; you wind up with less of it and
find it quicker to resolve. Handling a conflict isn’t the worst thing in the
world. But letting one go unresolved can cause you big problems. What
strategies have you used to defuse a heated situation?
No comments:
Post a Comment