Stop Avoiding Conflict
19
May
2011
| 19 | May |
| 2011 |
I met Caroline Donahue, a writer,
blogger, photographer, and coach, at a keynote I did recently in Los Angeles.
She has her own coaching practice, Remabulous Coaching, and has written for
Conscious Bookkeeping, Web Marketing Therapy, and was Social Media Director for
Book Soup. She can be found at her own site carolinedonahue.com.
Her post here today is on one of my favorite topic’s: Overcoming conflict
avoidance. -KF You’re Not Being the “Bigger Person” by Letting It
Go – Here’s Why Caroline Donahue How may times have you backed away
slowly – or outright ran – from a potential conflict at work because you thought
you were doing the other person a favor? Meanwhile, you’re a little tenser, a
little less eager to connect with this colleague, or even this boss. But it’s
the best thing to do, isn’t it? You know relationships at work are important and
you need to avoid awkward conversations to keep them healthy, right? Wrong.
Despite the fact that most people think that letting something slide is the
decent thing to do, it’s ultimately damaging to the relationship. The
Research John Gottman, PhD is an expert in relationships. He can
predict whether a marriage will succeed or fail with 90% accuracy, just by
observing the two partners interact. During his time as Professor Emeritus at
the University of Washington, he has even extended this range to 81% over 7 to 9
years of marriage. What makes the difference for long-term success in a
relationship? Gottman has broken interactions people have into three types:
turning toward, turning against, and turning away. What does this mean? Turning
toward, you collaborate and connect. Turning against, you argue or snap at each
other. Turning away, you simply 
ignore the problem… or each other. Most of us conduct
our working relationships trying to turn towards each other. This is easy when
everyone is getting along. But what do you do when you don’t agree or you’re
unsettled by something going on with a co-worker or superior? Just look the
other way and hope it passes? Gottman found that, contrary to what me might
think, conflict was not what resulted in the ending of a relationship. Turning
away was far more damaging and the main predictor of a relationship that would
end in divorce. As Gottman learned : fight can keep you from flight! Why is
this? Because people are more likely to stay in a relationship and continue to
build it when there is consistent interaction, even if that interaction
is negative. Every time you avoid bringing up a concern with someone at
work, you are missing an opportunity to build the relationship. It is better to
share your thoughts and feelings, even if you disagree, and even if you have
something challenging to say, than to say nothing at all. Because the last thing
you want is to suffer the equivalent of a colleague divorce at work.
ACTION TO TAKE NOW If this is new territory for you, here are
some safe ways to explore it:
- Try smaller situations first. Just because turning against is less likely to
end your working relationship with someone than ignoring them, it doesn’t mean
it’s the ideal choice. Think about ways you could make the conversation a
win-win, rather than a conflict at all.
- Be aware of who you’re talking to. If you’re confronting a superior it’s
possible to give the benefit of the doubt and make your position a little softer
than you might with a colleague.
- Keep practicing and remember, engaging is always better than avoidance and
you’ll soon reap the rewards of rock solid communication.
How
have you resolved conflict with a colleague?
Share
I met Caroline Donahue, a writer,
blogger, photographer, and coach, at a keynote I did recently in Los Angeles.
She has her own coaching practice, Remabulous Coaching, and has written for
Conscious Bookkeeping, Web Marketing Therapy, and was Social Media Director for
Book Soup. She can be found at her own site carolinedonahue.com.
Her post here today is on one of my favorite topic’s: Overcoming conflict
avoidance. -KF You’re Not Being the “Bigger Person” by Letting It
Go – Here’s Why Caroline Donahue How may times have you backed away
slowly – or outright ran – from a potential conflict at work because you thought
you were doing the other person a favor? Meanwhile, you’re a little tenser, a
little less eager to connect with this colleague, or even this boss. But it’s
the best thing to do, isn’t it? You know relationships at work are important and
you need to avoid awkward conversations to keep them healthy, right? Wrong.
Despite the fact that most people think that letting something slide is the
decent thing to do, it’s ultimately damaging to the relationship. The
Research John Gottman, PhD is an expert in relationships. He can
predict whether a marriage will succeed or fail with 90% accuracy, just by
observing the two partners interact. During his time as Professor Emeritus at
the University of Washington, he has even extended this range to 81% over 7 to 9
years of marriage. What makes the difference for long-term success in a
relationship? Gottman has broken interactions people have into three types:
turning toward, turning against, and turning away. What does this mean? Turning
toward, you collaborate and connect. Turning against, you argue or snap at each
other. Turning away, you simply ignore the problem… or each other. Most of us conduct
our working relationships trying to turn towards each other. This is easy when
everyone is getting along. But what do you do when you don’t agree or you’re
unsettled by something going on with a co-worker or superior? Just look the
other way and hope it passes? Gottman found that, contrary to what me might
think, conflict was not what resulted in the ending of a relationship. Turning
away was far more damaging and the main predictor of a relationship that would
end in divorce. As Gottman learned : fight can keep you from flight! Why is
this? Because people are more likely to stay in a relationship and continue to
build it when there is consistent interaction, even if that interaction
is negative. Every time you avoid bringing up a concern with someone at
work, you are missing an opportunity to build the relationship. It is better to
share your thoughts and feelings, even if you disagree, and even if you have
something challenging to say, than to say nothing at all. Because the last thing
you want is to suffer the equivalent of a colleague divorce at work.
ACTION TO TAKE NOW If this is new territory for you, here are
some safe ways to explore it:
ignore the problem… or each other. Most of us conduct
our working relationships trying to turn towards each other. This is easy when
everyone is getting along. But what do you do when you don’t agree or you’re
unsettled by something going on with a co-worker or superior? Just look the
other way and hope it passes? Gottman found that, contrary to what me might
think, conflict was not what resulted in the ending of a relationship. Turning
away was far more damaging and the main predictor of a relationship that would
end in divorce. As Gottman learned : fight can keep you from flight! Why is
this? Because people are more likely to stay in a relationship and continue to
build it when there is consistent interaction, even if that interaction
is negative. Every time you avoid bringing up a concern with someone at
work, you are missing an opportunity to build the relationship. It is better to
share your thoughts and feelings, even if you disagree, and even if you have
something challenging to say, than to say nothing at all. Because the last thing
you want is to suffer the equivalent of a colleague divorce at work.
ACTION TO TAKE NOW If this is new territory for you, here are
some safe ways to explore it:
- Try smaller situations first. Just because turning against is less likely to end your working relationship with someone than ignoring them, it doesn’t mean it’s the ideal choice. Think about ways you could make the conversation a win-win, rather than a conflict at all.
- Be aware of who you’re talking to. If you’re confronting a superior it’s possible to give the benefit of the doubt and make your position a little softer than you might with a colleague.
- Keep practicing and remember, engaging is always better than avoidance and you’ll soon reap the rewards of rock solid communication.
Share
3 month loan help arrange the money up to £ 2,500 and can be used for many more purposes. A person can get rid of the irritating problems while loading your budget.
ReplyDelete90 day cash loans
fast loans for people on benefits
short term loans with bad credit