Do You Want the Tenth Bite of Ice Cream More than the First Bite, or Less?
I’ve been continuing to ponder the
abstainers vs. moderators distinction.In case you haven’t been breathlessly following this line of argument: in a nutshell, when facing a temptation, abstainers do better if they abstain altogether, while moderators do better if they indulge a little bit, or from time to time.
The other day, a friend who is a true moderator told me, “I got a sundae from my favorite ice cream store, and it was so, so good. But after the tenth bite or so, I could hardly taste it anymore. I had a few more bites, then it turned into a puddle, and a friend of mine finished it for me.”
To me, this is a very foreign way of acting. The difference between my friend and me made me wonder if this is a distinction between abstainers and moderators, and I’d love for you abstainers and moderators out there to weigh in on this question.
Moderators, does your desire often diminish as you eat? Does it drop off in intensity? Or have you not noticed this phenomenon?
Abstainers, do you experience this? Or do you find that your desire for the last bite is just as strong as for the first bite? Or does desire actually gain momentum from the first bite, so you want the next bite even more?
Perhaps this is another pattern that distinguishes abstainers and moderators. Or perhaps not.
If you want to read more about abstainers and moderators, I write about it in Happier at Home, chapter 5. You might also be interested in the post–I must say, one of my favorite posts of all time–about my sister’s experience when she decided to be “free from French fries.”
Secret of Adulthood: What’s Fun for Other People May Not Be Fun for You–and Vice Versa.
Further Secrets of Adulthood:
This sounds so obvious, but it was a huge revelation for me. Even now, I have to remind myself that people go skiing because they honestly want to go skiing, not because they are made from a sterner moral fiber than I am.
I explore this at some length in Happier at Home. Be Gretchen! It sounds so easy, but I find it very challenging. How about you? (Feel free to substitute your own name, of course.)
This sounds so obvious, but it was a huge revelation for me. Even now, I have to remind myself that people go skiing because they honestly want to go skiing, not because they are made from a sterner moral fiber than I am.
I explore this at some length in Happier at Home. Be Gretchen! It sounds so easy, but I find it very challenging. How about you? (Feel free to substitute your own name, of course.)
Who Are Your Patron Saints? Here Are Mine.
Every Wednesday is Tip Day, or List Day.This Wednesday: Six patron saints.
People often ask me, “Come on, what’s the key to happiness? If you had to pick one thing, what would you say?”
I think that question can be answered in several ways, depending on what framework you use.
But one answer would certainly be–self-knowledge. It’s the Fifth Splendid Truth: We can build a happy life only on the foundation of our own nature.
But it’s surprisingly hard to know yourself! So how can you sneak a glimpse into your own nature?
You can ask yourself: Whom do I envy? What do I lie about? The answers to these questions reveal the way in which your life doesn’t reflect your values.
You can ask yourself: What did I do for fun when I was ten years old? You’d probably enjoy as an adult a version of what you enjoyed as a ten-year-old.
You can ask yourself: What do I actually DO?
You can ask yourself: Who are my patron saints? (A “patron saint” is a saint who has a special connection to a person, place, profession, or activity, or in more casual terms, a person who serves as a particular leader or example.)
I have many patron saints, but here are six of them:
Benjamin Franklin: practical, curious, inventive.
St. Therese of Lisieux: showing great love through small, ordinary actions. St. Therese is also my spiritual master.
Samuel Johnson: wildly eccentric, with a deep understanding of human nature. This patron saint made it into the subtitle of Happier at Home!
Julia Child: goofy yet masterly; light-hearted yet authoritative. For some reason, she’s been on my mind lately.
Winston Churchill: indefatigable, indomitable. I wrote a biography of Churchill, Forty Ways To Look at Winston Churchill, so I have a special attachment to him.
Virginia Woolf: intensely attuned to the power of the passing moment.
When I look back on the pieces I’ve written about my patron saints, I see that they’re among my favorite posts.
How about you? Who are your patron saints, and why?
Story: I Want To Do the Same Thing on the Weekend That I Do During the Week.
For the weekly videos, I now tell a story. I’ve realized
that for me, and I think for many people, a story is what holds my attention and
makes a point most powerfully.
This week’s story: I want to do the same thing on the weekend that I do during the week.
Can’t see the video? Click here.
The episode that I describe in this story was very helpful when I was trying to pull myself out of “drift.”
To read more about drift, go here, and to take a quiz to learn if you’re drifting, go here.
If you want to watch more about why and how I left law for writing, and also a discussion about drift, you might enjoy the talk I gave at 5×15.
You can also read more about this in Happier at Home, chapter six.
Find the archives of videos here. More than 1.3 MILLION views. Don’t forget to subscribe!
This week’s story: I want to do the same thing on the weekend that I do during the week.
Can’t see the video? Click here.
The episode that I describe in this story was very helpful when I was trying to pull myself out of “drift.”
To read more about drift, go here, and to take a quiz to learn if you’re drifting, go here.
If you want to watch more about why and how I left law for writing, and also a discussion about drift, you might enjoy the talk I gave at 5×15.
You can also read more about this in Happier at Home, chapter six.
Find the archives of videos here. More than 1.3 MILLION views. Don’t forget to subscribe!
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