How to Achieve Likeability

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” Oscar Wilde
Awe-inspiring enchantment can occur in jungles, marketplaces, and the Internet. It causes a voluntary and lasting (at least until the guerillas leave your hut) change of heart and mind and therefore action. It does not simply manipulate people and help you to get your way.
Enchantment transforms situations and relationships. {click to tweet }
A magnificent cause can overcome a prickly personality, but your ability to enchant people increases if they like you, so you should aspire to both. You’ll know that you’re likeable when you can communicate freely, casually, and comfortably with people.

Accept Others

Let’s start with your attitude. If you don’t like people, people won’t like you. That’s simple enough. And to like people, you need to accept them. Then, if you accept them, they’ll accept you. This is what you need to understand about acceptance:

People are not binary. People are not ones or zeros, smart or dumb, worthwhile or worthless. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, positives and negatives, competencies and deficiencies.
Everyone is better than you at something. If you have a tough time accepting others, it’s probably because you think you’re superior to them. However, you’re not superior to every person in every way.
People are more similar than they are different. At a basic level, almost everyone wants to raise a family, do something meaningful, and enjoy life. This is true across races, creeds, colors, and countries. You probably have lot in common with people you don’t like.
People deserve a break. The stressed and unorganized person who doesn’t have the same priorities as you may be dealing with an autistic child, abusive spouse, fading parents, or cancer. Don’t judge people until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. Give them a break instead.
We all die equal. At the end of your life, you’re going to be a mass of tissue and bone that reduces to a pile of dust like everyone else, so get over yourself. Death is the great equalizer.

Make Crow’s Feet

If you want to make a good first impression, smile at people. What does it cost to smile? Nothing. What does it cost not to smile? Everything, if not smiling prevents you from enchanting people. If you don’t believe that smiling is useful, answer these questions:

Do you like to do business with grumpy people?
Do you know anyone who does?
Do you think that angry people get what they want?

The key to a great, George-Clooney-esque smile is to think pleasant thoughts. If you’re grumpy inside, it’s hard to have a smile that lights up a room, and the most you’ll accomplish is a “fake smile.”
Anatomically speaking, a fake smile only uses the zygomatic major muscle—the one that runs from your jaw to the corner of your mouth. It’s easy to control this muscle, so it leads to fake or “Pan American smiles” (called this because flight attendants on Pan American weren’t truly happy to see passengers).
A real smile uses the orbicularis oculi muscle too. This is the muscle that surrounds your eyes—it makes you squint and produces “crow’s feet.” A real smile is so special that it has its own name: the Duchenne smile in honor of Guillaume Duchenne, a French neurologist.
So when you meet people, think pleasant thoughts, fire up the orbicularis oculi muscle, make crow’s feet so deep that they can hold water, and skip the botox treatments and facelifts to increase your likeability.

Guy Kawasaki is the author of twelve books including APE: Author, Publisher, Entrepreneur — How to Publish a Book, What the Plus!, and Enchantment: The Art of Changing Hearts, Minds and Action. He’s the former chief evangelist of Apple and current advisor to Motorola. Guy shares enchanting stuff on the topics of marketing, enchantment, social media, writing, self-publishing, innovation and venture capital.
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Excerpt from Enchantment: The Art of Changing Hearts, Minds, and Action.

Photo credit: BigStock

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Parameswaran S.
Associate Chair of Mechanical Engineering Department at Texas Tech University
Great article. People are always useful and ready to help. It is up to me to make them want to collaborate with me.
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William B.
Tax Advisor/Practitioner at Financial Foundations, Inc
Just don't use taxpayers $ to do it...hello, US State Dept...
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Shaila R.
Your One Point Contact for Medical Treatment in India ! 26 years of expertise.
Hey Guy, I loved reading your article. I can see u practice what you preach. Great smile !!
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Clifton K. P.
Regional Marketing Manager- Northern & Eastern Europe at Smith&Nephew Orthopaedics AG
What a great article. It is said also that we tend to use less facial muscles when we smile than when we frown. In the spirit of efficient use of energy smiling ticks all the boxes.
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Karin S.
Presse-Service Karin Sebelin - #EMPATHY #TRUST - Mentoring f. Leadership Development
Howard K.: I like what you say ... gaining respect is more valuable than gaining likeability ... sympathy may deceive us, but respect is noticeable and we feel us honored ...if I say I like Guy Kawasaki it will have less meaning for him than saying "I respect Guy Kawasaki " ...
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Doug S.
Owner, Doug Stone Associates
Great read and even better reminder.
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Suzanne A. F.
Perioperative & Acute Care Leadership
:)
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Howard K.
--
You assume that being likeable is a good thing. Why? Studies show that around 25% of everyone you meet will not like you. Another problem, I have witnessed in a management situation, is the personal goal of being like by your area, sounds like a good idea. What happens is that the management are so concern about being a friend, they lose all focus on the duties of and goals of the company. Your comment results in several highly negative situations. When a person is transferred to manage a different area. Too many times, managing by likeability ends up leaving a poorly performing individual, in that position, where now you want them to get extra training. Simply because if you got rid of them, they will not like you. This reminds me of the news stories where a house has a hundred cats. The similarity is you see a stray, you bring it home to "take care of it," Screw likability. What a new manager should be focusing on is the job you were told when you took over the area. You have authority given you by those above you. I am sure many new managers, (It could be any position). When you start in that new area. You are looked on as an intruder, "not a member of the group. Inevitably it is you the one person against the established group. If you show up with brownies and the such to make friends with the others, I hope you like baking. What usually works far better is to establish yourself to the group as the boss. Then with consistency in action on your part and balanced approach to everyone's individual needs. Too many who go the likeability route find themselves at odds but to make your employees like you, you need to leave no doubt who runs the area. Then with consistent action and standing up for them. You gain respect. Once you have respect, then you will be liked and an authority figure. I could go on but I have written enough at this moment.
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Swati K.
Executive Assistant at Financial Professional Strategy Services Ltd.
Awesome article..:)
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Alex W.
Senior Learning & Development Consultant at Lloyd's Register
Nice post. I suppose it is also worth remembering that our ability to like others has a relationship with our ability to like ourselves first.
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Arie Love H.
Limitless Innovator
I don't need to be liked... I prefer to be authentically seen by authentic people who see me. When I meet people I look into their heart through their eyes, words and energy.
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Fabrizio M.
Drawing companies' attention
:D
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Raghavendra S.
Group Lead
Grt and so simple..let us smile.
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Karin S.
Presse-Service Karin Sebelin - #EMPATHY #TRUST - Mentoring f. Leadership Development
First people tolerate us, then they accept us, then they empathize with us, then they trust us, in that way ....
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Karin S.
Presse-Service Karin Sebelin - #EMPATHY #TRUST - Mentoring f. Leadership Development
TY .. wonderful article! What I see different: "Then, if you accept them, they’ll accept you." Accepting others as human beings, does not necessarily have the consequence that others accept us, too. I would say "they tolerate us" and when we have luck they accept us, too. Being friendly does not open all doors ... it facilitates valuable relationships!
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Ivor C.
Managing Director at Snedden Campbell Ltd
"chief evangelist" - really?
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Chris B.
CEO at Baldemia / Entrepreneur / Domainer / Media Investor / Scientist / Angel Investor
To be liked you need to be likable.
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Narinder M.
Sales Operations
Above all, be genuine!
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Apurva B.
Content Strategist at College of Energy, Environment and Sustainability (CEES)
Fantastic article, thank you for explaining the different types of smiles and their importance! Enchanting smile is my favorite!
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