My kick ass coach Vicki has a great post real thing or pretending?

Are You Making It Up or Is It True?

by Vicki Garcia on November 23, 2012

Yep. That is the question. How do you know if the story you are telling yourself is true or if you’re making it up?
First, what is a story? A story is any idea, or scenario that you run through your head repeatedly. It’s basically a belief (usually a limiting one). It’s a story you have made up in order to avoid feeling a certain feeling. See, for some reason we don’t make up good stories about ourselves and our lives. We almost always make up negative stories.
Some common “stories” we might tell ourselves:

1. That person doesn’t like me.
2. My friend has been avoiding me.
3. I think he’s mad at me because of what I said.
4. I can’t tell ____ the truth because then they won’t like me.
5. My mother-in-law hates me.
6. My family doesn’t understand me.
7. She purposely didn’t invite me.
8. I know he’s lying.
9. My boss thinks I’m stupid.
10. My husband/wife doesn’t appreciate me.

I could probably list at least 100 examples but you get the point. Have you ever told yourself any of these stories or something similar? To find out if they are true or if you have made them up, ask yourself:

1. Am I making it up or is it true?
2. What concrete evidence do you have that it’s true?
3. Is there another possible explanation?
4. What evidence to the contrary am I overlooking?

Pay attention to how many stories you make up in a given day. I have to say that most of the time, we are making assumptions and making up stories. As you practice asking yourself these 4 questions, you’ll start to catch yourself in the act of making up stories.
What if we changed the above stories, to something like this:

1. That person might be too shy to talk to me. I’ll reach out to him/her.
2. My friend must have a lot going on right now. Maybe I’ll call her.
3. I think maybe he’s having a rough day. I’ll give him some space.
4. If I tell ___ the truth, it might deepen our relationship.
5. My mother-in-law has her own way of showing me she cares. I mean, who wouldn’t like me?
6. My family loves me unconditionally.
7. She must have accidentally left me off the guest list.
8. I appreciate him telling me the truth.
9. My boss knows my strengths and appreciates me.
10. My husband/wife shows his/her appreciation when he/she ________.

My theory is this: If you’re going to make shit up, make it to your benefit. Why should we always make up stories in which we lose?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.