Hi there and
welcome to another week of MMA!
I have been
putting off sending you this tool. It's one of the more difficult to
explain and to use. If you don't understand or need more input or
information, please don't hesitate to contact me.
Tool #11: Get your ego out of the driver's seat
Let me just
say, if you think this doesn't apply to you, it does. I'm sure of it.
So, hang on and stick with me and really do some reflecting on how
this might apply to you. Remember, the biggest barrier to learning
something is what we think we already know. With that in mind, read
on.
We ALL have
an ego. There is no way to avoid it and it serves a very important
purpose. The purpose of your ego is to make you feel special.
It is a component of your self-esteem and confidence. The problem
comes in when we let ego get in the driver's seat and make decisions for
us.
The ancient
Greeks defined ego as a small separated self. What this means
is that your ego is not you. It's just a tiny little separate piece
of you whose job is to make you feel special. The only way you can
feel special is if you are somehow separated from and better than
others. Are you beginning to see how this could become a
problem? The more you let your ego run the show, the more
"special" you feel and the more special you feel, the more you
separate from other people. Yikes!
As I
mentioned earlier, we all have an ego. There is no way or reason to
try to eliminate it. Just start paying attention to it. When
does your ego pop up and try to take charge? I'll give you a
hint. It is totally fear related. If you subconsciously feel
threatened in any way, your ego will jump up and take over.
So when does
this happen? What are some clues that ego is taking over?
Let's think about some examples. I'll get us started.
- Someone
tells you something you think you already know. You either say
out loud or think, "yes I already know that".
- You
feel a sense of entitlement.
- You
have to make sure everything is perfect before you say it, write it,
post it, turn it in or show it to anyone.
- When
you silently compare yourself to someone else and decide that you're
better.
- Having
to keep up a certain image of yourself instead of just being who you
are.
- You
can't let someone else talk without bringing the topic back to you.
- You
can't let someone else make a point without countering and making your
own point.
- It
kills you to just sit and listen and not comment.
- You
make sure everyone knows how smart or important you are. You do
this by finding ways to mention money or your car or your degree, etc.
I'm going to
stop here but I could go on and on. I want you to think of when this
comes up for you and when you can see it in other people. No judgment
here. Remember, we all do this. The idea is to notice it and
then decide if it's serving you. Does it help you connect with other
people or does it push them away?
When I am in
a conversation and I feel compelled to give my opinion or tell a story
about myself, I pause for a moment and ask myself why I want to say
it. Is it strictly ego driven or will it add to the conversation and
help me connect with this person? If I find that it's really my ego,
I refrain from saying it.
This takes
practice and you won't always do it the way you want to but if you pay
attention, it will really help you connect with people on a much deeper
level. I don't know about you, but one of the most important things
in my life is my connection with other people. If I let my ego be in
charge, I lose out on that deep connection.
So, what do
you think? Do you see how this happens for you? How about in
others? Share your thoughts and examples with me.
Vicki
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My Kick Ass Coach, 1726 Hogar Dr., San Jose, CA 95124, USA
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