Vicki Garcia to the rescue!

How To Deal With Bad Communication Skills

by Vicki Garcia on March 20, 2012

In the area of communication, we often don’t give each other the respect and attention we each deserve. In my last blog, I pointed out that the source of much of our bad communication skills (interrupting, talking just to talk, etc.) is often due to insecurity and fear.
Poor communication habits, when seen through the lens of being fearful ought to encourage you take pause and consider who you are when talking to others. We are all guilty of these ubiquitous nasty habits, especially the more familiar we are with the speaker.
Why do we do it, or put up with it? We often don’t take care of our own needs — as in being respected, listened to and heard — because we ourselves don’t wish to be rude, pushy or loud. If you find yourself being constantly interrupted or spoken over, however, I encourage you to take a stand for yourself.
Here are some ways to deal with people who take over your conversation.

Antidote #1. Shut Your Mouth
1. If someone begins talking over you, abruptly shut your mouth and stop talking. When an interrupter is faced with having abruptly shut you up, you are likely to get an apology.

Antidote #2. Wait It Out
2. If a person takes over, stay silent and allow him to finish his piece. When he is done, very respectfully and calmly inform him that he interrupted your thought and you will now finish. Ask for him to allow you to speak until you are done.
Almost no one interacts with interrupters like that. When confronted with a polite and respectful, yet factual statement of what they did, I guarantee you that they will be less likely to interrupt you in the future.

Antidote #3. Raise Your Hand
When someone begins to talk over you, simply raise your hand, palm out, and ask them to wait. No one likes to be confronted like this. Again, you are making it uncomfortable for people to have bad communications with you, without you being impolite or inappropriate in the process.

Antidote and Last Resort #4. Shout It Out
This is the most difficult and possibly most uncomfortable approach, and I do not recommend doing it in a professional or public setting. I’ve seen it work great with family members, however.
When someone begins to interrupt you, make your voice louder and pointedly continue what you are saying. The potential interrupter has the choice of raising her level to match yours, or to be quiet, given that you intend to finish what you’re saying.

Final Thoughts
I realize that conversations happen more slowly than our speed of thinking them, and sometimes we don’t want a pertinent moment to pass before we forget a point we want to make; yet, there are polite and impolite ways to handle conversations.
I also realize that training others how to be in conversation with you is yucky. We are afraid to seem impolite, at the expense of appearing as boorish as the person with whom we are talking. However, expecting what you have to say to be respected, and respecting others’ views are critical in a cultured society.

And Now It’s Your Turn
So, you are training people how to be wonderful with you. You are also training yourself in this area. In addition to being someone lovely to talk to, your being respectfully attentive without having to interject your own opinion or vocabulary into another’s speaking also displays great self-confidence and self-assurance. It will be a pleasure talking to you.

Contact me at vicki@mykickasscoach.com for a special offer. Pay only $25 for a 45-minute