Ever watch Bill Engvall’s “Here’s Your Sign” routine about rednecks? Well, I’ve got some for you, but in this case the sign says, “I’m afraid!” See if you do any of these three (related) habits on a regular basis. They are nothing short of you holding up a sign saying, “I’m afraid!”1. Interrupting
Do you interrupt people regularly before they have a chance to finish their sentence or their thought? When you interrupt people, not only is it rude and boorish (and all too common!), but it also tells the person that their idea can’t be anything unique or new, since you must have heard it all before.
It also may tell them you’re afraid. Perhaps you fear they’ll think you’re stupid or unimaginative; maybe you’re afraid you’ll waste time. Challenge yourself to consider why you interrupt people and locate the underlying fear.
2. Know It All
Do any of these sound familiar?
“Yes, I know that.”
“I’ve heard that before.”
“I already did that.”
This is almost as bad as Interrupting, but at least you have the decency of waiting until the person has finished talking. Again, nothing anyone tells you is new under the sun. Heaven forbid that you are open to a novel idea. Know-it-alls are not only annoying; they are often wrong, and terribly afraid of looking stupid.
3. Finishing Other Peoples’ Sentences
In this case, you think you know what the person is going to say before he says it so you don’t only interrupt — you try to fill in their blanks. How often are you wrong? What are you so afraid of that you can’t allow someone else to contribute to you? Or is fear of inferiority driving you to prove your superiority?
4. Talking to Hear Yourself Talk
Do you say a lot without really contributing to the meeting or conversation? Do silences frighten you or make you uncomfortable? Do you feel you are responsible to keep a conversation going?
We often don’t realize it when we are talking to no purpose, but it sure is easy to see it in others, right? Start to become aware of when you are talking to promote yourself, your agenda or prevent a silence. If you are, you are letting your insecurity take over.
Observe in a public setting someone whom you admire. Does she speak constantly? Interrupt? Finish other people’s sentences? Likely not. Practice sitting quietly through an “uncomfortable” silence, or allowing another person to choose when to pick the conversation up again. Sit with your discomfort and see if you can locate the source of your fear.
Next time: Antidotes to bad communication behaviors!
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