Coach Vicki Garcia talks about personal responsibility

Taking Personal Responsibility

by Vicki Garcia

I heard a joke a few years ago from a minister at a local church. He said he advertised a sermon called “Change Yourself and Have a Great Life!” No one showed up. The following week, he changed the title to “How to Change Other People So They’ll Stop Screwing Up Your Life,” and the hall was packed.

It’s true, isn’t it? It is always so much easier to see how others are screwing up not only their own life, but possibly yours as well. Wouldn’t it be a good news-bad news kind of situation if you discovered that there is only really one person you need to worry about? That person is YOU.

Taking 100% personal responsibility for your life may sound simple. If it were easy, however, there wouldn’t be thousands of books and trainings on it. Apparently, there is always more work and learning to do in the area of taking personal responsibility.

Here are three ways you can start.
1. Identify whom you are blaming. If you ever say, well, its So-and-So’s fault that XYZ you are blaming someone. It could be a very, very innocent thing. One client, for example, was the cause of being late driving her son to school. She called the office to tell them he’d be late, and found herself starting to blame her son to the school secretary. Luckily, the son got her attention and she realized what she was doing in time to change course and be honest about the situation. It is practically automatic to blame others. If only we always had people next to us to call us on our stuff!

Of course your situation may seem much more dire than simply being late for school. That jerk prevented you from getting that promotion, or your parents kept you back in school. Whatever your story is, it is a STORY.

2. Retell the Story. If you had bad parents, and believe me, every single parent on the planet has messed up at least once, you can change your story. What if your narrative went like this? “My parents gave me the greatest gift ever. I now know how not to put up with bullies.” This is a much more empowering context than staying an adult loser!
And the jerk boss? Dig through the rubble and find a place where you could improve your work performance, or your office
3. Tell Everyone You Know. Once you’ve identified whom you blame, and have renamed the plot “Gifts Received,” tell everyone you know! Make the story as real as the other one you’ve been telling. The more people who know, the more they will support you and the more real it will be.

I have two clients who happen to be siblings. They have a third sibling who isn’t doing so well. Funny how they all came from the same parents, the same family, the same dynamics, yet my two clients are doing great and working through issues as they come up. The other sibling continues to blame others for every bad break life, and that sibling’s situation reflects the morass. Which are you going to choose—owning up, or drowning out?