April 2, 2012, 12:01 a.m. EDT
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Mortgage updates from Rob Chrisman he has great insights
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Monday, October 29, 2012
credit question Thomas Mckee pay collections or not??
How to handle collection agencies.
1.
Unless
you want to pay them: don’t talk to them or respond to their mail
correspondence. Many times they can be abusive, especially when an old
collection, one that has been “sold” to other collection companies, is going to
fall off your report soon due to the statute of limitations. Seven years in
most cases.
2.
Do
Not let them call your home, relatives, employer, etc.. This is illegal and a
simple letter can cure the duress they try to put you though!
3.
To
stop the harassing phone calls simply obtain their address and write a simple
letter that they are not to contact you in any manner but a letter. Be sure
that you notate the FDCPA (Fair Debt Collections Practices Act).
Finally, if you want to pay the debt that
is a moral issue of which I can’t address—only you. Just be sure to work out an
agreement whereas the negative item is removed from your credit report
and always get everything in writing.
Yours
in Credit Education,
FAQs on credit from Ken Strey
The number one question I get asked is : How long will
the items get reported on my file?
Here you go… (
remember – we have Excellent results removing these )
• Delinquencies (30–180 days): Can remain seven years
from the date of the initial missed payment.
• Collection accounts: Remain seven years from the date
of the initial missed payment that led to the collection (the original
delinquency date). When a collection account is paid in full, it will be marked
"paid collection" on the credit report.
• Charged-off accounts: Remain seven years from the date
of the initial missed payment that led to the charge-off (the original
delinquency date), even if payments are later made on the charged-off account.
• Closed accounts: Closed accounts are accounts that are
no longer available for further use. Closed accounts may or may not have a zero
balance. Closed accounts with delinquencies remain seven years from the date
they are reported closed, whether closed by the creditor or by the consumer,
but the delinquency notation will be removed seven years after the delinquency
occurred when pertaining to late payments. Positive closed accounts remain ten
years from the closing date.
• Lost credit card: If there are no delinquencies, credit
cards that are reported lost will continue to be listed for two years from the
date the card is reported lost. Delinquent payments that occurred before the
card was lost are reported for seven years.
• Bankruptcy: Chapters 7, 11, and 12 remain for ten years
from the filing date. Chapter 13 remains seven years from the filing date.
Accounts included in bankruptcy will remain seven years from the date they were
reported as included in the bankruptcy.
• Judgments: Remain seven years from the date the
judgment is filed.
• Liens : City, county, state, and federal tax liens.
Unpaid tax liens remain fifteen years from the filing date. Paid tax liens
remain seven years from the paid date of the lien.
• Inquiries: Most inquiries listed on your credit report
will remain for two years. Some inquiries, such as employment or pre-approved
offers of credit, will show only on a personal credit report pulled by you.
Score Well Credit is “Your Solution”
Would you (or someone you know) like to set up a time to
set up an action plan to elevate credit scores and discuss outdated,
unverifiable or obsolete information on your credit report ?
Contact me if you are interested.
Regards,
Ken Strey
Score Well Credit
Empowering People to Live Extraordinary Lives
Phone : (925) 478-5213 Fax : (925) 226-1883
MY kick A## coach Vicki Garcia great post get umcomfortable
I have news for you. It may be good or bad news
depending on your perspective. Everything you want, everything you wish
to be; lies outside your comfort zone. If you choose to stay comfortable,
you'll never change or improve.
The only way to get what you want and be who you want to be
is to utilize tool #9.
Tool #9: Get Out Of
Your Comfort Zone
Your comfort zone: everything you
currently do, say, or think. These things are automatic and require no
thought. These are the things you WILL do, the things you WILL NOT DO,
the things you think and the things you avoid on a regular basis.
Your comfort zone is different from mine. What I find
challenging and scary might lie within your comfort zone. Something I can
do in my sleep, might keep you awake at night with worry. Our comfort
zones are individual just as our fears are.
By the way, fear is the gatekeeper of your comfort
zone. The only way to step out of your comfort zone is to get past
fear. This is why we choose to stay right where we are. The
prospect of getting through fear is enough to make us shy away from any new
challenge.
So why would anyone want to leave the safety of their
comfort zone? Because what you will find in your comfort zone is your
current life. If you want anything that is not a part of your current
life or personality, you must leave your comfort zone.
Start by learning to get comfortable with being
uncomfortable. Huh? This just takes a bit of practice, just like
anything else. Basically, when you begin deliberately and consciously
stepping out of your comfort zone, you start to see that nothing bad
happens. It's actually no big deal. Fear has just been telling you
it's a big deal.
As you tackle some small things, you learn that you can move
on to bigger and bigger things. These small steps eventually result in an
expansion of your comfort zone. It gets wider and wider and encompasses
more. Eventually, some of the things that used to be scary and
uncomfortable, become comfortable. Eventually, you learn to be
comfortable with being uncomfortable because you know what the payoff will be.
Start with baby steps. If you're afraid (uncomfortable
with) of public speaking, you take baby steps by speaking up in small groups.
If you're uncomfortable letting someone else be in control,you start by letting
a trusted friend or family member take charge of something small for you.
As you get comfortable with the baby steps you can begin to
take larger and larger steps. This is how you change and grow and end up
doing things you never thought possible!
Find ways every day to get out of your comfort zone.
Imagine that I am going to ask you what you have done to get out of your
comfort zone today.
You will be amazed at what you can do!
Vicki
My Kick Ass Coach, 1726 Hogar Dr., San Jose, CA 95124, USA
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Credit post from New west
We’ve spoken
about the Algorithms or Credit Scoring Models that calculate your credit
score(s) in past newsletters. Quite frankly, the information can be
overwhelming if not plain boring to most people.
In this issue
I thought we’d take a moment to get “back to the basics”.
Even though
the three major Credit Reporting Agencies, (also known as CRA’s), Equifax,
Experian & TransUnion technically use a slightly different scoring model,
the basics are still the same.
The following is a
simple outline of credit scoring and the different factors used to calculate
your credit score:
Graph courtesy of
myFICO a division of FairIsaac
Payment History- 35% The
largest factor!
Amounts Owed-
30% The
most important element here is credit card debt.
Length of Credit History-15%
New Credit-10%
Types of Credit Used-10%
A couple items of interest here.
Notice that the first two factors equal
about 2/3’s of your score!
So simply making timely payments and
keeping your revolving debt low will have the biggest impact on your
score.
Length of History-this is based upon
the months the account has been open and obviously helps increase your score
with each monthly payment. Just make sure it’s not over 30 days late!
Types of Credit Used-This simply means
a person should have a good “mix” of credit. In other words a Credit card or
two, auto loan and a home loan being the most important. Owning a house vs.
renting shows stability in the eyes of the scoring model and thus is the
highest rated type of “trade-line”.
Remember, a person doesn’t have to have a
lot of trade-lines to have a good credit score!
In the meantime focus on making your
payments on time each month & keep your credit card debt below 30%--if
possible. Do not pay off credit card balances in full though—you want to show
some activity on the account(s). Credit scoring models love to see a 10-20%
balance on credit cards!
Yours in Credit Education,
Thomas R. McKee
Credit information from Ken Strey credit advisor
The number one question I get asked is : How long will
the items get reported on my file?
Here you go… (
remember – we have Excellent results removing these )
• Delinquencies (30–180 days): Can remain seven years
from the date of the initial missed payment.
• Collection accounts: Remain seven years from the date
of the initial missed payment that led to the collection (the original
delinquency date). When a collection account is paid in full, it will be marked
"paid collection" on the credit report.
• Charged-off accounts: Remain seven years from the date
of the initial missed payment that led to the charge-off (the original
delinquency date), even if payments are later made on the charged-off account.
• Closed accounts: Closed accounts are accounts that are
no longer available for further use. Closed accounts may or may not have a zero
balance. Closed accounts with delinquencies remain seven years from the date
they are reported closed, whether closed by the creditor or by the consumer,
but the delinquency notation will be removed seven years after the delinquency
occurred when pertaining to late payments. Positive closed accounts remain ten
years from the closing date.
• Lost credit card: If there are no delinquencies, credit
cards that are reported lost will continue to be listed for two years from the
date the card is reported lost. Delinquent payments that occurred before the
card was lost are reported for seven years.
• Bankruptcy: Chapters 7, 11, and 12 remain for ten years
from the filing date. Chapter 13 remains seven years from the filing date.
Accounts included in bankruptcy will remain seven years from the date they were
reported as included in the bankruptcy.
• Judgments: Remain seven years from the date the
judgment is filed.
• Liens : City, county, state, and federal tax liens.
Unpaid tax liens remain fifteen years from the filing date. Paid tax liens
remain seven years from the paid date of the lien.
• Inquiries: Most inquiries listed on your credit report
will remain for two years. Some inquiries, such as employment or pre-approved
offers of credit, will show only on a personal credit report pulled by you.
Score Well Credit is “Your Solution”
Would you (or someone you know) like to set up a time to
set up an action plan to elevate credit scores and discuss outdated,
unverifiable or obsolete information on your credit report ?
Contact me if you are interested.
Regards,
Ken Strey
Score Well Credit
Empowering People to Live Extraordinary Lives
Phone : (925) 478-5213 Fax : (925) 226-1883
Just keep swimming... Just keep swimming!
Swimming in open water from Alcatraz to San Francisco seems
like a big deal… unless you’re John Jeha, loan officer in the Mortgage
California Walnut Creek branch.
With the determination only a loan officer in the last 5 years
can have, John Jeha made a commitment a few years ago and stuck with
it. He committed to competing in (and completing) 50 endurance athletic
events in 50 weeks for his 50th birthday. He not only accomplished his
goal, he raised money throughout for The Challenged Athlete Foundation.
John began swimming competitively more than 40 years ago, and
started swimming in open water competitions about 30 years ago.
Cold-water swimming is any form of swimming that would be extreme in terms of
distance, water temperature or water conditions done in the cold.
Typically standard swim wear is used – no wet suits.
After college, he started participating in Triathlons and has
completed over 200 to date, including seven Ironman distance races. He
also competed in the World Championship Ironman in Hawaii twice and the Half
Ironman World Championship in Clearwater Florida twice.
John’s cold water swimming has included swimming in the bay
from Alcatraz over 60 times (the water temperature has ranged from 48 to
63!), as well as the span of the Golden Gate from San Francisco to
Marin. His longest swim to date was from Candlestick Point to Aquatic
Park – a distance of 11.5 miles. He’s also swim the width of Lake Tahoe
(11 miles) and Donner Lake (5.4 miles). All of these swims have been
done with pilots in kayaks and/or motorized support boards (zodiacs or small
15-20 foot boats).
While he’s swimming and biking and running himself, he also
finds time to coach a Masters Swim Practice twice a week for novice adult
swimmers and triathletes. On September 7, 2012, he took 5 swimmers from
his group (who 2 years ago could barely swim across a pool) to Alcatraz and
they all swam from “The Rock” to The City, navigating currents, tides and
ship traffic.
“Coaching and teaching is a great love of mine and the
accomplishments of these swimmers is one of the highlights of my coaching
career,” says John.
His next personal challenge is to achieve membership in the
Triple Crown of Open Water Swimming, which includes 21 miles across the
English Channel, 21 miles across the Catalina Channel and 28.5 miles around
the island of Manhattan in New York.
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(now with 3 young sons) and move back to where she and her husband
grew up – the Azores in Portugal. The lived there for two years before
eventually returning to California.
Arie and her family eventually settled in San Jose, and
happened into a job at WAMU as a setup associate. She quickly moved to
pricing, and eventually became an assistant to one of the top producing reps
– you may remember him… his name is Dave Lindsay.
A few years ago, Arie was hired as a loan officer assistant by
a former loan officer at Princeton Capital. When that was coming to an
end, she heard about the new Appraisal Department Desk position. She
applied, and the rest is history!
“Four years later I can honestly say I love my job… it
certainly has its moments, but not a day goes by that I don’t feel good about
having played a small part in helping people achieve the dream of owning
their own home,” Arie said recently. “I’m lucky that I work with a
great group of people, have a strong support system at home and get to have
Christmas off!”
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This Girl Was Made for Walking
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With a special “Thank You” to all her supporters, Kathleen
finished her 3-day 60-mile walk with team K&K last month.
“The camaraderie and show of strength was so moving,” Kathleen
said, “I can’t wait to do it again!”
Her fundraising was a success – she raised $3,665 for cancer
research. Her plan for dry, unblistered feet was also a success – she
finished the walk and was none the worse for wear.
Several of her friends from RMR Financial came to cheer her on
during her last day… and she kept her friends and family updated along the
way with texts and occasional Facebook updates. “It was great to feel
so much support from friends and strangers alike. It was hard, but it
was so fun!”
Kathleen plans to walk again next year in the San Diego walk.
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Importance of credit scores
Rates are set by loan amounts, down payment and credit scores. I remember a short time ago when I could easily answer what are rates. I say more complex now than before but here is an example.
Purchase 10% down $417,000 loan amount credit score 760 versus 680.
760 score 3.375% at 0 points
680 score 3.875% at 0 points
So here are my tips
Have 4 open actice credit accounts
Have these be credit card and installment loan
Use these accounts pay them in full each month
Remember if you carry a balance make it less then 25% of the available line you have
Pay it on time
Do not apply for new credit
Get the lines as high as possible
You will have a great credit score
Thank you
Alan
Daniel Pink
October 26th, 2012
4 more emotionally intelligent signs
I haven’t been blogging much the last few weeks because I’ve been putting the finishing touches on a new book, which will be out at the end of the year. (Pre-order now. It’s worth it. I beg you.)But the mailbag is always brimming with emotionally intelligent signage, so I’ve plucked four recent reader submissions that show some interesting examples of the crafty ways signs can attempt influence what we should and shouldn’t do.
Three of the signs direct viewers what not to do.
Don’t be a jerk on the road (via Jack Dorsey):
Don’t knock on my door (via Thad Gembczynski):
Don’t do anything stupid in a library (via Mike Stock):
And one tells us what we ought to do — albeit with a literary twist (also via Thad Gembczynski):
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Owning rentals part 2
Owning Rental Properties Part 2
Owning Rental Properties Part 2
In a prior blog, we talked about rentals as retirement income. In this post, we’ll take another step and review what you need to know before buying an investment property.First Rental Property Resources
Neil Uttamsingh has a website focused only on helping you get your first rental property. His message is that you should manage the property yourself and make sure you do your due diligence with home inspections.A recent blog discussed that you should not rush the process or you will miss out on some important decision points:
- Buying a property that doesn’t cash flow
- Buying a property in the wrong area
- Buying a property with the wrong tenant profile
- Losing Money
- Wanting to sell the property after a short period of time
- Becoming discouraged
- Going to court with your tenant due to mismanagement of the property
One of the fastest ways of learning these skills is by finding a real estate workshop to understand how to analyze the value of the property, where it’s located, and what kind of tenants you could anticipate i that location.
Making certain that the property will provide a positive cash flow is the number one question you have to answer. The second is what monthly expenses can you expect?
The next step is to figure out how you will finance it. A good loan officer will help you crunch the numbers to find out what you can afford to invest. You will find out your options with how much money you can put down, whether you should get fixed or variable rate, what length of term you should use, and most importantly, you should get pre-approved so when the right property shows up, you can grab it.
Landlord Resources
Nolo Press has some of the best books that explain the law in plain English as well as useful forms. As we mentioned in the prior post, having a valid contract will protect you from a bad tenant.In their Legal Encyclopedia, they have numerous questions and answers (FAQs) on signing leases and rental agreements such as how to enforce a ‘no pets’ policy, how to divide damages between departing cotenants, and how to handle a tenant wanting to break a lease due to noise.
Cautions
Once you’ve gotten your first rental property up and running smoothly, then start to look for additional properties. Don’t try to invest in too many properties too quickly until you’ve established procedures for analyzing a property as well as systems for finding good tenants.Always keep a separate checking account dedicated to your rental properties. Deduct the mortgage payments, insurance payments, and maintenance work from this account. At the end of the year, your tax accountant will have a much easier job. Additionally, you can regularly check your cash flow to see if it stays positive. Also, if you personally have a large expense, it will be more difficult for you to borrow from your investment property cash, and you will have peace of mind that your properties are taking care of themselves.
Remember, looking at a house from the eyes of a homeowner is very different then looking at the house through the eyes of the investor.
What would you want in an investment property that you wouldn’t want in your home?
Fees 2 of 2
Mortgage Fees Explained Part 2
Mortgage Fees Explained Part 2
Yesterday, we talked about lender fees and third party fees. Today, we’ll talk about mortgage fees, and other fees that aren’t covered in the three other categories, but are important for you to know.Mortgage Fees
- Title Search -This fee is charged by your bank or lender and is sometimes called an underwriting, administration, or processing fee. It’s designed to cover the costs of processing and evaluating a loan for you, such as legal costs, notary fees, and overhead.
- Title Insurance -Title insurance guards you and the lender against an error in the title search. If a previously-undiscovered problem pops up down the line, this policy protects the lender. If you want to protect yourself, you will need to purchase an owner’s title insurance policy.
- Processing Fee -This is a fee the mortgage broker charges to compile paperwork and submit the loan on your behalf. Some companies charge this fee others do not.
- FHA, VA, and RHS fees - The Federal Housing Administration (FHA) offers insured mortgages and the Veterans Administration (VA) and the Rural Housing Service (RHS) offer mortgage guarantees. If you are getting a mortgage insured by the FHA or guaranteed by the VA or the RHS, you will have to pay FHA mortgage insurance premiums or VA or RHS guarantee fees.
Other Fees
Points – A point is 1% of the loan amount. What that means to you is that points are a one-time charge that may be negotiated with the lender, usually to reduce the interest rate you pay over the life of your loan. For example, one point on a $100,000 loan would be $1,000. In some cases, especially in refinancing, points can be financed by adding them to the amount that you borrow. However, if you pay the points at settlement, they are deductible on your income taxes in the year they are paid.Prepaid Interest – Your first regular mortgage payment is usually due about six to eight weeks after you settle (for example, if you settle in March, your first regular payment will be due on May 1, and this May payment covers the cost of borrowing the money for the month of April). Interest costs, however, start as soon as you settle. The lender will calculate how much interest you owe for the part of the month in which you settle (for example, if you settle on March 16, you would owe interest for 16 days–March 16 through 31). The lender will want this up front.
Private Mortgage Insurance (PMI) – If your down payment is less than 20% of your home’s value, the lender may want you to purchase PMI to cover its losses in case you default on the payments. Typically, you will pay a PMI monthly along with each month’s mortgage payment. Your PMI can be canceled at your request, in writing, when you reach 20% equity in your home based on your original purchase price if your mortgage payments are current and you have a good payment history. By federal law your PMI payments will automatically stop when you acquire 22% equity in your home based on the original appraised value of the house as long as your mortgage payments are current.
Flood Determination Fee – A fee the lender may charge to determine if your home is in a flood zone, and if you’ll need to buy flood insurance.
Homeowners’ Insurance – The insurance policy that protects against fire, vandalism, wind, natural disasters (other than floods), and other hazards that can damage your home. Lenders require that you have this to protect their investment. You should also consider looking into additional insurance to cover your furnishings and belongings.
Escrow (or reserve) funds – You may be asked to add in money at closing to put in an escrow account to cover property taxes, insurance, and other costs. Even if you don’t pay this at closing, part of your monthly mortgage payment will probably go toward escrow. When the bills for taxes and insurance come due, the lender takes the money out of escrow and pays them for you.
Conclusion
Be cautious of “bundled fees” if they don’t expressly mention what is bundled. Some lenders offer a package deal that could be less then if you paid for all separately. However, you want to be able to compare apples to apples when you’re shopping around.If there are any fees listed you don’t understand, ask for an explanation. Also realize that many fees, especially application and processing fees, are negotiable. Ask your lender to reduce or waive these fees; alternatively, the seller may be willing to pay them. Don’t be afraid to ask – after all, this is the biggest purchase you’ll ever make.
Fees 1 of 2
Mortgage Fees Explained
Mortgage Fees Explained
Whether you’re a first timer or a re-financer, you want to know where your money is going. When you’re signing all of the forms, a good loan officer recommends you read each page, but seeing all of those numbers can make your eyes cross. Thankfully, mortgage paperwork has gotten simpler over the years, and fees can be grouped into a few categories. Mortgage fees are also called settlement costs and vary quite a lot amongst lenders.Lender Fees
These are fees asked for by the lender.Application Fee – The fee charged by your bank or lender to apply for a loan used to cover initial processing costs and a credit check. If they pull your credit report from all three bureaus, the fee will be higher.
Loan Origination Fee – This fee is designed to cover the costs of processing and evaluating a loan for you, such as legal costs, notary fees, and overhead. It’s sometimes called an underwriting, administration, or processing fee.
Third Party Fees
These are fees paid to third parties as part of the home purchase process.Appraisal Fees - Lenders want to ensure to the best of their ability that the purchased property is worth at least as much as the loan amount. An appraisal fee pays for a determination of the value of the home and lot you want to purchase or refinance. Some lenders and brokers include the appraisal fee in the application fee. Make certain that you ask for a copy of the appraisal. If you are refinancing or have had a recent appraisal of the property, some lenders may waive the requirement for a new one.
Home Inspection Fee – Your lender may require you to get a home inspection to check for major structural or other damage, water quality, leaks, etc. The most common inspection is for termites. In rural areas, there may be a test of the septic system as well as a quality test on the water supply. Even if it’s not required, a home inspection is a good idea for your peace of mind. If nothing else, you’ll be able to plan when you will have to make investments into the property such as a new roof.
Property Survey Fee – Some lenders require a simple survey to confirm locations of boundaries and easements as well as the location of buildings and improvements. If there are questions as to the legality of these issues, such as a boundary line dispute with neighbors, the lender will require a complete, and more costly, survey.
Tomorrow, we’ll finish up with Mortgage Fees and Other Fees. Are there any fees that you’re curious about?
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Thank you John Maxwell
The Law of Pain: from my new book, The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth
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In just one week, my latest book, The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth, will be available in the United States and Canada. (But it’s available for preorder now!) I’m especially excited about the potential of this book, because it’s on a subject that everyone can relate to. Everyone benefits from growth. Learning more about the subject can lead to great gains and expansion of a person’s potential.
Today’s post is an excerpt from Chapter 8, The Law of Pain. It demonstrates that even a bad situation can yield positive growth if we make the right choices while experiencing it. This is just one of the lessons that I’d like to share with you in this book, and also in a special FREE event on October 9. See the end of this post for details.
The Law of Pain: Good Management of Bad Experiences Leads to Great Growth
How do you usually respond to bad experiences? Do you explode in anger? Do you shrink into yourself emotionally? Do you detach yourself from the experience as much as possible? Do you ignore it?
John McDonnell once said, “Every problem introduces a person to himself.” What an insight! Each time we encounter a painful experience, we get to know ourselves a little better. Pain can stop us dead in our tracks. Or it can cause us to make decisions we would like to put off, deal with issues we would rather not face, and make changes that make us feel uncomfortable. Pain prompts us to face who we are and where we are. What we do with that experience defines who we become.
Novelist James Baldwin commented, “Not every thing that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced.” Often it takes a bad experience for us to face the changes we need to make in our lives. I know that was true for me when it came to my health. As I’ve mentioned before, I experienced a heart attack at age fifty-one. Prior to that, I knew deep down I wasn’t eating right or exercising enough. But I’d never had any health problems, so I just plowed ahead as I always had. But the night I had the heart attack, the excruciating pain I felt in my chest and the belief in that moment that I wasn’t going to see my family again finally got my attention. It made me face the fact that I needed to change the way I was living. You could say I had finally reached a teachable moment. And that is the value of the Law of Pain. It gives us an opportunity to turn our lives around. A bend in the road is not the end of the road unless you fail to make the turn.
Most people don’t think their way to positive change—they feel their way. In their book, The Heart of Change, Harvard Business professor John Kotter and Deloitte Consulting principal Dan Cohen explain, “Changing behavior is less a matter of giving people analysis to influence their thoughts than helping them to see a truth to influence their feelings. Both thinking and feelings are essential, and both are found in successful organizations, but the heart of change is in the emotions.”
When bad experiences create strong feelings in us, we either face the feelings and try to change or we try to escape. It’s the old fight-or-flight instinct. We need to train ourselves to fight for positive changes. How do we do that? By remembering that our choices will lead to either the pain of self-discipline or the pain of regret. I’d rather live with the pain of self-discipline and reap the positive rewards than live with the pain of regret, which is something that can create a deep and continual ache within us.
Athlete and author Diana Nyad says, “I am willing to put myself through anything; temporary pain or discomfort means nothing to me as long as I can see that the experience will take me to a new level. I am interested in the unknown, and the only path to the unknown is through breaking barriers, an often-painful process.” That’s a process Nyad has gone through many times as she trained to break records as a long-distance swimmer. In 1979, she swam non-stop from Bimini in the Bahamas to Florida. It took her two days. Her record has stood for more than thirty years.
The next time you find yourself in the midst of a bad experience, remind yourself that you are on the cusp of an opportunity to change and grow. Whether you do will depend on how you react to your experience, and the changes you make as a result. Allow your emotions to be the catalyst for change, think through how to change to make sure you are making good choices, and then take action.
Today’s post is an excerpt from Chapter 8, The Law of Pain. It demonstrates that even a bad situation can yield positive growth if we make the right choices while experiencing it. This is just one of the lessons that I’d like to share with you in this book, and also in a special FREE event on October 9. See the end of this post for details.
The Law of Pain: Good Management of Bad Experiences Leads to Great Growth
How do you usually respond to bad experiences? Do you explode in anger? Do you shrink into yourself emotionally? Do you detach yourself from the experience as much as possible? Do you ignore it?
John McDonnell once said, “Every problem introduces a person to himself.” What an insight! Each time we encounter a painful experience, we get to know ourselves a little better. Pain can stop us dead in our tracks. Or it can cause us to make decisions we would like to put off, deal with issues we would rather not face, and make changes that make us feel uncomfortable. Pain prompts us to face who we are and where we are. What we do with that experience defines who we become.
Novelist James Baldwin commented, “Not every thing that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced.” Often it takes a bad experience for us to face the changes we need to make in our lives. I know that was true for me when it came to my health. As I’ve mentioned before, I experienced a heart attack at age fifty-one. Prior to that, I knew deep down I wasn’t eating right or exercising enough. But I’d never had any health problems, so I just plowed ahead as I always had. But the night I had the heart attack, the excruciating pain I felt in my chest and the belief in that moment that I wasn’t going to see my family again finally got my attention. It made me face the fact that I needed to change the way I was living. You could say I had finally reached a teachable moment. And that is the value of the Law of Pain. It gives us an opportunity to turn our lives around. A bend in the road is not the end of the road unless you fail to make the turn.
Most people don’t think their way to positive change—they feel their way. In their book, The Heart of Change, Harvard Business professor John Kotter and Deloitte Consulting principal Dan Cohen explain, “Changing behavior is less a matter of giving people analysis to influence their thoughts than helping them to see a truth to influence their feelings. Both thinking and feelings are essential, and both are found in successful organizations, but the heart of change is in the emotions.”
When bad experiences create strong feelings in us, we either face the feelings and try to change or we try to escape. It’s the old fight-or-flight instinct. We need to train ourselves to fight for positive changes. How do we do that? By remembering that our choices will lead to either the pain of self-discipline or the pain of regret. I’d rather live with the pain of self-discipline and reap the positive rewards than live with the pain of regret, which is something that can create a deep and continual ache within us.
Athlete and author Diana Nyad says, “I am willing to put myself through anything; temporary pain or discomfort means nothing to me as long as I can see that the experience will take me to a new level. I am interested in the unknown, and the only path to the unknown is through breaking barriers, an often-painful process.” That’s a process Nyad has gone through many times as she trained to break records as a long-distance swimmer. In 1979, she swam non-stop from Bimini in the Bahamas to Florida. It took her two days. Her record has stood for more than thirty years.
The next time you find yourself in the midst of a bad experience, remind yourself that you are on the cusp of an opportunity to change and grow. Whether you do will depend on how you react to your experience, and the changes you make as a result. Allow your emotions to be the catalyst for change, think through how to change to make sure you are making good choices, and then take action.
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