Posted on August 30th, 2011 by Keith Ferrazzi
Good news folks: You’ve got an “empathy hormone,” and you can control it with the sheer power of your thoughts. Science has proven it.
The hormone
oxytocin plays a key role in influencing our ability to establish trust, act with generosity, and perceive others’ feelings. Research has shown that oxytocin reduces anxiety during public speaking tests – not surprising, given that it lowers blood pressure and stress hormone levels. During childbirth and breastfeeding, mothers produce more of it – nature’s way of making sure that they bond with their babies.
But what’s really exciting about oxytocin is that you can train your body to release it. There are several ways to do this, which I outline below, but one of the easiest is to flood your head with images and thoughts of someone you love.
Take my client, Paul. Every week, he dreaded his team meeting – conflict, drama, and resistance to critical feedback from his colleagues pretty much guaranteed an anxious experience. Then he decided to try priming himself before a meeting with an “oxytocin booster.” He took a few deep breaths and got lost in thoughts about his girlfriend, and the mental snapshots of the time they spent together on a recent New Mexico trip.
He felt the results immediately – instead of dreading contact with his colleagues, he found himself starting an open conversation about their current work challenges, with genuine curiosity. He was shocked: one coworker let down his guard to reveal the real problems behind his project; another listened openly to Paul’s ideas. Paul could trace the shift in the meeting to the tone he had started it with—the warmth, care, and empathy combining to transform the atmosphere.
Here are five ways that scientists have shown that you, too, can get the empathy juice flowing to improve all your upcoming interactions:
- Daydream about your significant other. Before you approach a stressful social situation, make like Paul and think about your most supportive relationships and connect to the feelings of positivity associated with them.
- Hug someone you care about. Make contact with someone who makes you feel really good, and set your mind to transfer good feeling to someone with whom you are developing a relationship. That contact has been clinically shown to increase oxytocin levels, and the oxytocin will give you confidence and a brighter outlook.
- Spend a few minutes with a beloved pet. Making contact with pets has also been shown to generate oxytocin. Use this to improve your ability to relate with generosity and to create more mutually fruitful relationships.
- Listen to your favorite music. Stimuli for all the senses—even smells—can boost oxytocin levels to prepare you to interact with more elegance.
- Get down, make love. If the researchers say to do it, and you have the flexibility (and the partner) to schedule it around important meetings, who’s to argue?
Try one of these out before your next meeting, or any interaction that tends to be stressful. This is great stuff to prep you for meeting new people, too. Do it before a networking event and maybe you’ll even be able to skip that cocktail that provides your usual social lubricant. Go try it!
Have you tried and had good results with any of these?