Can we talk?
In this blog I want to tackle one of the most detrimental and fear based M.O.’s I see in the corporate world . . . in the family and friend, world, too, for that matter. But let’s focus on how this particular habit affects people in business. The habit I’m talking about is being a perfectionist. This is not only a costly and ultimately detrimental way to operate in life but it’s also a cop-out.Striving for perfection is a cop-out because it allows you avoid doing the hard things. The hard things like: communicating effectively, collaborating, sharing the credit, taking constructive feedback, functioning as part of a team rather than an individual.
Not to mention the fact that you can’t possibly succeed because there is no such thing as perfection.
You know the person. Perhaps you are this person. I was!
• She won’t ask for help from anyone. Often at the end of the day there is a lot of heavy sighing and martyrdom around having “done it all.”
• He checks, re-checks and triple-checks details until missing the deadline or slowing the project to a crawl.
• She won’t share information because it isn’t complete or it’s still in draft form.
• He won’t even take on a task or project if he doesn’t think he can do it perfectly.
There are lots of reasons (excuses) for this behavior. But fundamentally at the bottom of this kind of behavior lies fear. You could call it fear of failure, or rejection or embarrassment or whatever. What is the reason you won’t let someone help you? If truth be told, is it because you want all the credit for a job well done? Many times the need for acknowledgement or needing others to see their value is what underlies seeking perfection. Perhaps it is the fear of someone else doing it better!
Excuses, Excuses
Perfectionists use many excuses for their behavior. Which of these sound familiar to you?
He’s too busy to bother with this.
My career depends on my getting this “right”.
This part of the project is beneath her pay grade.
It will take too long to show her how; I might as well do it myself.
He did a bad job last time; I won’t trust him again.
She doesn’t like me; she’ll never do it.
I’m the only person who will do it “right”.
The list goes on and on.
What it Costs You
Just as excuses for not delegating, asking for help or getting outside opinions are many, so are the costs.
If you don’t give tasks away or ask for help, it is a shout out to your colleagues that they are untrustworthy, or incapable of doing a good job, or they’re slow, lazy, or undependable.
When you spend too much time on a project attempting to get it just right, you may inadvertently send the message that you don’t have a sense of urgency or cannot be trusted to meet deadlines.
Perfection also costs you self-confidence. Perfection is impossible so you are basically setting yourself up for failure by constantly trying to achieve it. You are bound to “fail” and that slowly chips away at your self-esteem and confidence.
Tendencies toward perfection can cost you moving up in your role or being promoted because you will avoid tasks or projects that you are unsure you can do perfectly.
So you’re a perfectionist, now what?
This isn’t the time to beat yourself up, which is, by the way, what a perfectionist would normally do right now. Now is the time to take an honest look at what perfectionism has been costing you even though it has invariably contributed to your success in the past. Is this something you want to change? I’ll tell you why you might want to change it. This form of fear will, for a while, help you be successful but it will NEVER let you enjoy it. You will always be worried that the job you did wasn’t good enough. Who needs that crap?
Practice letting go of your need for perfection in small ways. One rule of thumb is to work on something until it’s 80% done and then go with it as is. No matter how hard you work on it or for how long, there will generally be 20% that will need to be changed anyway.
It won’t be easy but the benefits of allowing you to be human, and yes, that means make mistakes, are worth it. If you want to make this change and you’re not sure how, give me a call or an email and we can chat about it.
Contact me at vicki@mykickasscoach.com for a special offer. Pay only $25 for a 45-minute phone consultation (a $93 value). Thereafter, receive $25 off the coaching package of your choice.
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